I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So vagazzling was a success
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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