he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
