he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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