Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
