i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
