the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
