I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
