Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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