I like my sex mixed with concussions.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
