my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
