that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
