I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
