Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize