His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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