I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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