Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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