She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
