I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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