idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
