its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
