careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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