watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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