Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
