she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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