Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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