I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
