There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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