Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
