I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
