We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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