"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
