Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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