she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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