we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
