I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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