I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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