Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
