no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
