It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
