Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
