I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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