I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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