no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
