i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize