there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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