Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize