I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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