I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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