so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
