My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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