I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
