For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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