Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
