Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
