At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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