Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
