His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
