Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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