To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
