this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize