Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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