Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
