DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
