I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
