Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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