wakey wakey hands off snakey
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
