I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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