yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
