My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize