Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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