Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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