Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
