it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
