i was born a porn star she said
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
