He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize