my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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