We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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