Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize