I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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