He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
