Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
