Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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