I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
