I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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