if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
