tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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