Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize