why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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