I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
