Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
