guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
