So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
