David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
