Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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