i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
