He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
