I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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