if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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