8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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