I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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