never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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