don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
