he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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